STOP PRESS UBS Storms the Research and Education Assessment Over the past few months, UBS has been taking part in the Research and Education Assessment (REA), a nationwide study of the quality of education and research in the Higher Education Community. Skidmark is proud to announce that UBS was ranked in the top 99% of the survey! "I can only say that I was astonished by the quality of the 'education' provided by UBS", writes the REA chairman Professor Fay Elure. "To say that their results stood out like a sore thumb is an understatement". In the report's conclusion, UBS gets yet another special mention; "I would advise all prospective students to watch out for the University of Bums on Seats" concluded Professor Elure. These outstanding results are partly due to the University's 100% pass rate for our PhD student over the six years since he began his study.   Virus Warning All University staff and students are asked to be on their guard for a new computer virus that spreads by Email. If you should receive an email with the Subject line of either "Good Times" or "Join the Crew" do not open it. Simply reading the message will result in you being infected by the virus. The medical centre is standing-by for a possible epidemic. If you or your PC become infected with the virus, your hard-disk will be wiped and the internal workings of your PC may well explode. Please warn everyone you know of this potential threat both inside and outside the University. Skidmark Lauched Welcome to the first edition of Skidmark, the new 'upbeat' news letter for the University of Bums on Seats. Every issue, Skidmark will be packed with news, features and announcements from the University, presented in an informal, even 'cool' way. The name 'Skidmark' was chosen after a six-month series of meetings by the University communications committee in conjunction with the web-team, the students union, our management consultancy company and several focus groups. The name itself is a concatenation of "skid" and "mark". "Skid" represents the exciting and dynamic feel of the University, whilst "mark" referrs to the serious side of education and at the same time suggests making a "mark" in education history. Research Volunteers Needed Healthy, active, female subjects required to participate in Psychological study. Must be aged 18-23, open-minded, not overweight, AC/DC. Contact: Dr Mike Shagger, m.shagger@ubs.ac.uk Sad Demise of University Founder It is with great regret that Skidmark announces the death of one of the original founders of the University, Professor McAlpine. Prof McAlpine was one of the original "gang of four" who was responsible for establishing the University back in 1968. He sadly died last tuesday from a heart attack during one of his regular stress management sessions at "Angel's No-Rush Massage and Alternative Therapy Centre" on Peckham Hight Street. He will be sorely missed by the University.

 
 
 
 

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over five years by clueless wankers who spent most of
their time in meetings discussing the "site strategy".

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