A Treatise Supporting the Mass Destruction of the Suburbs.

by Michele Deniken
The suburbs, as a place and as a concept, need to be destroyed. The suburbs, in fact, is more a concept then a place: it is a mentality which people embrace with a passive zeal that borders on religious fervor. It is like the Catholic who has not been to church since his wedding 25 years go, but pity the man who makes anti-christian remarks in front of him. I say passive because the suburbs are full of passivity: sitting in front of the television night after night watching 'Friends' etc. can hardly be called living intensely. But anyone who acts differently is labeled a freak by the suburbanite who witnesses it on t.v., or outside while he peeps out from behind his mini-blinds or lace curtains at his nutcase neighbors. It is the mentality of the suburbs which should be eradicated, more than the place itself- and having been eradicated, will not be missed by me. If you are not sufficiently nauseated by the concept of the suburbs, then perhaps I am not making myself clear as to what exactly I am talking about, or perhaps you too are among those who has purchased a concrete jackass for your front lawn, which you look at the only times you leave your house- when you leave and return from your job selling computers or fax paper. But, I will elaborate on what I am talking about, in case I may convince you to join me in my disgust. It is where you go to die.

I know lots of people to whom this is the ideal. Me, I'd rather put a gun in my mouth. It'd be a better idea to bomb them, though.

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